It's a Wonderful Shade of Grey
by marpuri
Summary: What if, when he took off after finding out Ana was pregnant, Christian contemplated suicide? A mysterious stranger helps him find out what life would be like if he had never been born. Can he discover that it truly is a wonderful life? *Now rated M for mature content. Reader's discretion is advised.
1. Chapter 1

A/N - This idea got stuck in my head after a discussion with someone about favourite holiday movies. It's a Wonderful Life has always been one of mine. I could not stop thinking about it until I wrote something down. My apologies for jumping into this story while I've still got two other stories that desperately need updating (which I am still working on, by the way!), but I needed to go with it while inspiration struck.

Incidentally, if you do wish to connect with me for updates on my stories, or to discuss FSOG fanfiction in general, there is a FSOG Fanfiction group of authors, readers, and reviewers on Facebook and my own FF profile can be found by searching for Marpuri Fanfiction.

Story premise:

What if, when he took off after finding out Ana was pregnant, Christian became so depressed he contemplated suicide? A mysterious stranger helps him find out what life would be like if he had never been born. Can he discover that it truly is a wonderful life?

Borrowing details from both FSOG and It's a Wonderful Life, neither of which do I own.

Christian's conversation with Elena is taken from the description of their meeting that Christian gives Ana at the end of Fifty Shades Freed.

Chapter 1

Christian stormed out of Escala.

_Pregnant. FUCK! I can't be a father. Not now. Maybe not ever._

Christian walks, the rage bubbling away inside his chest, trying to quell the urge to put his fist through a window or to pick up a small dog and throw it.

_Flynn. I've got to talk to Flynn._

He dials Flynn's number on his phone as he switches course and begins to jog towards Flynn's office.

_Voicemail. Shit._

In 20 minutes he has arrived, only to find the door locked and the lights out. He frantically pounds on the door anyway, his heart sinking with each unanswered minute ticking by. Christian begins to grow more distressed. He walks away, not paying particular mind to the direction he's heading; just walking aimlessly as the thoughts run rampant in his head.

_What the fuck am I going to do? There's too much I can't control with a baby in the picture. And I'm pretty sure blowing up at Ana and then running away is probably doing jack shit to make things better. You've royally fucked things up for her yet again, Grey! I wouldn't be surprised if she finally took off for good this time. She's put up with enough of your shit. But Christ! A baby. I'm bound to fuck that up even more. What kind of father would I possibly be? You've got no heart, Grey. No capacity for love. You're no good for Ana, you've been nothing but trouble for Mom and Dad, can't even let them touch you. This baby is nothing but a bunch of cells at this point and I already know I've fucked up life for him or her already just be creating the poor bastard._

"Christian?"

He looks up and is surprised to find himself outside of Esclava.

"Elena."

"What on earth are you doing here?"

"I don't know. I was just walking and ended up here."

"You look upset. Why don't we go get a drink. Catch up. It's been a while."

Christian and Elena walk to a quiet bar nearby and order a bottle of wine. As they drink, they fall into the conversation. He remembers how comfortably he could discuss anything with Elena.

"Christian, I'm so sorry for how I behaved the last time I saw you. It was inexcusable. Grace hasn't spoken to me since that night. I'm afraid a number of our shared friends have also limited their contact with me as a consequence. Your mother was a dear friend, and I'm sorry I've lost that."

Christian nods, remembering the incident at his birthday party.

"How have you been? How's the business, Elena?"

"I've been okay. As for the salons, well, we're managing. The recession has hit our industry hard. When times get tough, highlights and a Brazilian become less of a spending priority for people. How about you, Christian? Business treating you well?"

"Doing fairly well."

"What's got you so upset, dear? How are things with Ana?"

Christian stiffens, then drains his glass of wine and pours another. "It's been amazing. But tonight... we had a fight. Ana..." Christian takes a deep breath. "Ana wants to have children."

Elena's eyes widen. "You're worried about that."

Christian nods. "You know how fucked up I am. I can't bring a kid into my world. I can't be a _father_."

Elena smirks. "Our lifestyle doesn't tend to mix well with a family life."

Christian pauses and looks at Elena. "_Our_ lifestyle? I'm not so sure it's _my_ lifestyle anymore."

"She's changed you." Elena sniffs.

"For the better."

"Oh come now, Christian. Don't tell me you don't miss it. You were at the top of your game. It made you the man you are today! It gave you that control you crave. That control that you _need_. Do you really think you can live your life without it?" Elena's eyes shine. "Complete power and control over someone else. Being in control over their pain. Their pleasure. Having someone submit, completely, to your will. You used to be able to make that cane _sing_ Christian. I have encountered no one that can match your proficiency with a whip or a flogger. The knots and bindings. The cross! I have so many fond memories of the scenes we engaged in. Do you remember?" Elena's pupils dilate, her breathing deepens as she licks her lip and reaches out to place her hand high up on Christian's thigh.

Christian recoils suddenly from her touch, knocking the table and jostling the wine glasses in the process. His startled response jolts Elena from her reverie.

They froze. A horrified expression on Christian's face, Elena's ardour fading from hers. She blanched in compunction.

"I love my wife." Christian says, tersely.

"Of course! Of course you do!" Elena laughs. "I'm sorry, I get caught up talking about my proclivities sometimes, you know." She gives a dismissive wave of her manicured hand. "I'm happy with Isaac. I'm enjoying the business, it's keeping me busy. Christian, I don't bear either of you any ill will. You're an old friend. I only ever want the best for you. Frankly, I miss you. I miss seeing you more often, and talking with you, but I understand that your life is with Ana now. You're not the same Christian I knew. She's your world now." She sits back. "I must admit, it's awkward being around you two, given what happened the last time we were all in the same room together."

"I hope you understand, then, that I won't be seeing you again. I wish you all the best with the salons, Elena."

Elena nods sadly. "I understand." She gets up and dons her coat and purse. "I wish it were different, but I understand. Goodbye, Christian. It was good to see you again. I wish you and Ana all the best." She moves to Christian for an embrace, but is met with silence and no motion towards reciprocation. She lets her arms drop, turns, and exits the bar leaving Christian alone with the rest of the wine. He pours out the remains of the bottle, then signals to the bartender.

"Bourbon." He orders. "Make it a double."

As he sits and drinks, he thinks about his relationship with Elena.

_Another one of my fifty shades of fucked up-edness. What would you do if Junior was in your place? If someone like Elena seduced him like she did you?_

Christian shudders.

_How could you possibly raise a child with the kind of fucked up past you've got? He doesn't stand a chance! _

_And Ana. My sweet Ana. I had it all with her, but now a baby in the picture...It won't be the same again. I could barely keep control over her. How am I going to survive with this new wild card in the mix?_

_This is all so fucked up. _

He continues to drink, thoughts percolating – an unending litany of anger and self-hate.

Several drinks later, Christian pays the tab and stumbles out of the bar, walking again, his mind clouded in despair. A short while later, he finds himself on a bridge, eyeing the frigid torrents of water below.

"It would all be so much better for everyone if I had just never been born" He mutters. "Hell, I'd be worth more for Ana and Junior dead than alive anyway."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I'm nervous.

_I think this might finally be it! I'm getting my final assignment from the Big Cheese himself!_

I run my hand through my hair, smooth out the wrinkles on my shirt, and breathe into my palm to check the state of my breath. Without warning, the giant ivory doors before me swing open.

"Enter." The Voice booms from within.

I make my way in, eyes averted, and await my orders.

Pages flutter as he thumbs through a file. The non-descript beige folder is then pushed towards me.

_Okay. You've done really well, and it's almost time for your promotion. One final task. If you can fix this, you've earned your wings for sure!_

I take the file between trembling fingers and begin to peruse the mission details. Bits of information catch my eye as I skim the file. I look up.

"Really?"

He nods, looking slightly bemused.

I let out a loud exhale and look back at the file again.

"I've certainly got my work cut out for me, don't I?"

He smiles. "See what you can do."

I look at him meekly. "Seattle, huh? Couldn't have been someone in Hawaii or Barbados to save?"

The Boss just smiles and shakes his head.

"What happens if I fail?"

"Just do your best. I have faith in you."

I nod. "I won't let you down."

I look at the file. _I won't let __him__ down either._

Without another word, I turn and leave to get ready for my mission.

Seattle.

I'm going to need an umbrella.

. . . . . .

Christian shivers. The precipitation that falls over him is a frigid mix of rain, slush and ice. He pays it no mind, but remains at the bridge railing, head on his hands, weeping. He suddenly feels a hand on his shoulder.

"Say, Friend. Do you need some help?"

Christian jerks away and looks up to see a stranger with a black umbrella standing beside him. He's a tall man in a beige overcoat, thinning, sandy blonde hair, a pleasantly lined face, and bushy eye-brows framing warm, hazel eyes.

"Nothing to see here, buddy. Move along." Christian mutters.

I hold the umbrella over both of us and try again.

"Looks like you're not doing so well. How about I get you a cup of coffee and we can talk?"

"No thanks."

"Tea?"

"No."

"How about a sandwich?"

"Look buddy, all you can do for me right about now is to fuck off."

I sigh and look skyward. _Oooookay. Let's try again._

"I can't do that Christian."

Christian looks up again, trying to focus.

"Do I know you?"

"No, Christian. But I know you. And I know you're in a tough spot right now."

Christian eyes me warily. "What's your deal, buddy?"

"I'm your guardian angel."

"My angel."

"Yup. Only an angel second class, though. See, I've got one more mission, and then I finally get my wings. I've just got to help you out."

Christian continues to stare, dumbfounded.

"I assure you, this isn't a trick or a hallucination. I'm not crazy. Oh, and neither are you! You need help, and if I can help you, I get my wings!"

"Is that like a boy scout badge?"

"Um, yes. Sure."

"And just how are you supposed to help me? My life has gone to shit. What could you possibly do to help me right now?"

"Well, you were contemplating jumping, were you not?"

Christian remains silent.

"Just now, you wished you hadn't been born. That life would be better for those you love if you just weren't in the picture."

Christian cocks an eyebrow, then nods confirmation.

"So let's do this then!"

"Do... what, exactly?"

"You wished you were never born. I'll make that happen and we'll see if that solves your problem."

"What the hell have you been smoking? Holy fuck. I think I've had too much to drink."

I take Christian gently by the arm.

"C'mon, friend. We've got a lot to see and only a limited time to do it in."

Without another word, I take my umbrella and tip it forward in front of us. I give it a quick spin and then lift it back over us again. As I do, we're both temporarily blinded by sudden mid-day sunlight. Our surroundings have changed – considerably! We are now no longer on the pedestrian walkway of the bridge in the middle of a rainy night, but instead, on a busy street corner, mid-day. The buildings are unfamiliar, the air is warm and hazy with car exhaust.

"Jesus! Where are we?" Asks Christian, turning around to take in his surroundings.

"Detroit."

We spot a young couple walking by. The man is in acid-wash denim and a leather jacket with metal studs. The girl is also in acid-wash jeans, pegged and folded at the ankle. She is wearing a short t-shirt that bares her mid-riff. Her hair is in a high ponytail, and bright plastic bangles adorn her wrist. Christian surveys the other people walking about and notices everyone is dressed pretty much in the same, dated manner.

"Uh... WHEN are we?"

"1988."

We hear a man yelling at a young, petite, brunette woman, and notice the arguing couple just ahead.

"Fuck you, Ella! Get in the god-damn car."

"No, fuck YOU! I'm not going anywhere with you!" She pulls away and runs past them.

"I'm going to fucking kill you, bitch!" the man screams after her.

Christian gapes. "Is that..."

"Yes." I reply. "That's your mother."


	3. Chapter 3 - Mother Dearest

**A/N – Made a mistake with the year they ended up in, so I'll corrected that later.**

**Also, you'll notice this isn't exactly like It's a Wonderful Life. I've taken the concept of the movie more than exact details and placed Christian within this situation. So you're not going to see a remake featuring Christian and company. Sorry if that's what you were expecting. (That would be pretty sweet though!) That said, I've also taken liberties with what Christian's guardian angel is capable of doing and how he gets his message across.**

**Don't forget to check out Facebook for updates (marpuri fanfiction), and come get to know me and other writers and readers in the FSOG Fanfiction group on Facebook. (shameless plug!) Thank you to Netzel and Wearejorus for talking me through my writer's block yesterday.**

**As always, I own neither FSOG nor It's a Wonderful Life.**

**Pardon any errors. I wanted to type this up and post it quickly. The next chapter is written, I just need to type it out.**

Chapter 3 – Mother dearest

Christian's eyes darken. "Why did you take me here?"

"It all starts with her. Ella's life is the first one your presence, or lack thereof, affects."

"This is pointless. Her life would already be better without an unwanted baby to complicate things."

I say nothing, merely gesture towards the direction Ella ran. We follow after Ella who has entered a dingy apartment. Its current occupants were passed out on the floor and on the tattered couch against the wall. A shirtless man slumped in an armchair stretched languidly, then sidled over to greet her.

"Ell-Bell! What's up, beautiful?"

Ella stood awkwardly in the middle of the room, wiping away her tears with the back of her hand.

"Sorry. You said I could come hang out whenever."

"Yeah! Yeah, of course! Sorry, we had a hell of a party last night. You should have come! Where were you?"

"I was working. Got home this morning to a total shit storm."

"Your dad again?"

Her eyes flash angrily. "I told you, he's not my father!"

"Sorry! Sorry!" He brushed her hair away from her face and drew her into an embrace to comfort her. "So what happened?"

"He was shit faced again. Probably the worst I've seen since my mom died. He must have been drinking all night and all morning because he was already wasted when I got home. He made a pass at me, saying he hasn't had any action since my mom died. When I said no, he freaked out and threw a fucking lamp at me. I took off. He tried to grab me and put me in his car to take me god knows where, but I got away from him and just ran. I didn't know where else to go. I've got no one, Ry."

"Shh. You've got me." He said and gave her a kiss on the forehead.

"Here." He fished a pipe and a packet out of his jeans pocket. "I was saving this for later. Take a hit. It'll make you feel better."

"I don't know, Ryan."

"Just to take the edge off. One rock."

He preps the pipe for her, lights it, and watches as she inhales the vapors. Within seconds, her pupils dilate and her breathing deepens as her brain is bathed in dopamine. She closes her eyes to savour the sensations.

"Better?"

She peacefully nods in affirmation.

"You wanna hang out today?"

Ella sighed. "No. I'm gonna take care of some shit."

"You sure? I'm gonna score some more rock later."

"I'll think about it."

...

"Is that my father?" Christian asked.

"No. Not in this lifeline. You don't exist, remember?"

Christian shoots me a wary look.

"He's a friend of your mother's. Sort of."

"Dealer?"

"Enabler, I guess you'd say. In both life-lines."

We follow Ella from the apartment through the streets until we eventually end up at a cemetery. Ella sits in front of a tombstone, sombre – her earlier crack-induced high has worn off.

"I miss you so much, mom," she murmurs. "Everything is just so fucked up now that you're gone. Mike is an asshole. He's either trying to get in my pants or trying to crack my skull open. But then he was always an asshole, right? Ryan is... well he's just Ryan. I've got no one. Everyone still hates me, I've got no friends, and now without you... " Ella starts crying. "I just want to get away. I get high with Ry sometimes. I know you'd be pissed about that, and I'm sorry. But I don't know how else to stop hurting. It hurts so fucking much. I love you mom. And I'm sorry I'm such a fuck-up." She spends a bit more time at her mother's grave-side, lost in thought. Eventually, she gets up again and starts walking.

As we follow behind her, I ask, "Do you remember much of your mother?"

"Very little. I was only three when she died. The adoption agency only knew she was an addict, and that she had OD'ed a few days before I was found. I remember feeling scared. And sad. And hungry. I remember wondering why she wouldn't wake up and hug me like she always did when the guy, her boyfriend or pimp I guess, whenever he finally left." He smiles wistfully. "I remember her looking really sad, but she'd hold me, and rock me, and sing to me and I'd play with her hair. Even when she was high, she'd sing to me. Funny, the details I'd forgotten."

"She loved you, Christian. Even though she was in the clutches of addiction and living a very difficult existence, she loved you."

"If she loved me, she'd have gotten off the crack. Made a better life for us."

"It's not that easy. It was an uphill battle. One that many good souls, your mother included, were not able to overcome. Drugs are merciless. They only make the users want to use more and more no matter the consequences. Once someone is ensnared in it's talons, escape can be difficult for anyone."

Christian says nothing, but continues to watch Ella.

We ended up where we started, at her home. Ella cautiously checks for her step-father's car. Not seeing it nearby, she enters her apartment. Determined and purposeful, she roots through her jewellery box, pulls out a necklace which she dons, and a watch that she pockets. She scrawls "Fuck You Mike" on a notepad and leaves it on the table before she exits.

"What the hell is she up to?" asks Christian.

We follow her again as she makes her way back to Ryan's apartment. His guests have left. He is dozing in the armchair.

"Hey Ry. I wanna get high one more time. Here." She fishes the watch out of her pocket and thrusts it into his hand. "That should pay for it."

He turns it over, examining it. "This is nice."

"It was my mother's. I don't need it anymore though."

He looks at her for a beat. "You sure?"

Ana nods and he puts the watch in his pocket.

"Hang on. I'll get you something." He returns from another room with his paraphernalia in his hand. "You okay, Ell-Bell?" he asks as she heats the end of the pipe with his lighter.

"I will be." She says, exhaling after sucking back a lungful of acrid smoke. She sits back on the couch and closes her eyes.

"So, a bunch of us are gonna party again later. Josh scored an 8-ball and some hash. Evie and Dale are coming again. You in?"

Ella shakes her head. "No. I've got other plans."

"Whatever. Come hang with us after."

Ella shrugs.

Ryan resumes his place on the armchair. Later, she leaves. Ryan is back to sleeping off the previous night's revelry.

"See ya, Ry." She says softly and closes the door behind her.

Ella walks again, this time to the Belle Isle bridge. She speaks to no one on the way, but pauses one last time at the railing. No one walking or driving by pays her any mind. Christian and I, two lone figures watching her every move, remain unseen under the cover of my umbrella. Ella lifts the necklace, a simple chain and pendant, to her lips, then hoists herself onto the rail. She sits, humming a Bob Marley tune. Christian murmurs along.

_Don't worry_

_About a thing._

_Because every little thing_

_Is gonna be alright._

_Woke up this morning,_

_Smiled with the rising sun._

_Three little birds_

_Pitch by my doorstep_

_Singing sweet songs_

_Of melodies pure and true,_

_Saying – _

_This is my message to you._

Then without pause, she pushed herself off, plummeting to the water below.

Christian gasped and lurched forward. I held him back by the shoulder.

"I don't understand." He says. "She dies? She dies anyway whether I'm around or not?"

"There's a difference though, Christian. Here, now, she was all alone. She felt no hope, no purpose, no need to continue. When she had you, she had a reason to live."

"But she lived a miserable life with me. And her lifestyle made my first few years a living hell."

"Don't you see? She needed you. Believe it or not, she loved you. And she tired. She really did. But the pull of the drugs was too strong. You were around, though, to give her hope, and someone to love her and for her to love. You gave her a reason to try, even though – in the end – the drugs took her after all. It wasn't your fault she lived the way she did, and it wasn't your fault she died."

A muscle twitches in Christian's jaw as he grinds his teeth. Tears are visible, but they do not fall. Christian's eyes remain on the spot his mother last stood. "I'm still not convinced either of us was better off."

I sigh. This is tougher than I thought it would be, but I haven't brought out the big guns yet. Those are coming.

"Let's move on then." I reply.

A mix of emotions on his face, he eyes the bridge railing one last time as I once again lower the umbrella, obscuring our view. I hear him let out a breath as I spin it once more, moving us to our next time and place. When I lift the umbrella back over us, we are in the kitchen of a warm, tidy house. Seated at the table are a couple and their blonde, curly-haired, blue eyed son.

"As soon as you've finished your breakfast, we'll head over. Are you excited about meeting your new brother, Elliot?"

They're much younger, but he'd recognize them anywhere.

"Mom and dad!" whispers Christian in awe.


	4. Chapter 4 - Welcome to the Grey Family

**A/N - apologies again for any errors. Wanted to get this up quickly.**

Chapter 4 – Welcome to the Grey Family

Elliot nods happily. Grace and Carrick prepare to bring home a new sibling for their first son, also adopted. Their plan is to move back home to the Seattle area and raise their family there. Grace has finally been offered a position at a Washington hospital. Carrick will no doubt have little problem finding a new law firm to work with.

Lovingly, Grace sets up a bed for their new addition in Elliot's bedroom. Hopefully once in Seattle, they can get a home where each child could have their own rooms. They plan to adopt perhaps one more child, so a number of bedrooms would be perfect!

Grace smoothes out the blue and green bedspread, wistfully eyeing the stuffed bear sitting atop the pillow. Carrick enters and places a gentle kiss on Grace's head.

"Excited?"

"Yes" Grace nods. "Nervous too, though."

"Why?" Carrick sits next to her on the bed and takes her hands in his.

"Do you think he'll like us? Will I be a good mother?"

"You've been the best mommy to Elliot. Why do you think you'd be anything less with this one?"

"Being a mom to two is exponentially harder than being a mom to one."

"You're destined to be a mom, Grace. And an amazing one at that. You'll see." Carrick reassures her.

"I hope they get along."

"I'm sure it'll take some adjustment on both parts, but I think things will sort themselves out."

. . .

They arrive at the foster home. Christian and I remain unseen behind the Grey family, privy to all they experience. They sign some paperwork with the social worker, and their new son is guided into the room. He has a mop of strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and a scowl that appears to be permanently etched on his face. Grace and Carrick rush over and embrace him. They bring him over to Elliot who is shyly waiting in a chair at the side of the room.

"Elliot, this is your new brother: Jack. Jack, this is Elliot. You're both seven years old!" Both boys eye each other warily. Elliot shyly hands over a teddy bear with a blue bow around it's neck.

"This is for you. I have one just like it. They're brothers!" Jack eyes it impassively, but doesn't move to take it.

"Why don't we head home and start making some lunch?" Carrick says cheerily.

Throughout the drive home, Jack is silent. He watches the three members of his new family intently as they interact. He nods or shrugs when spoken to, but otherwise remains aloof and impassive.

At home, Jack has unpacked his meagre belongings and sits on his bed mindlessly fidgeting with his new toy. Elliot entered with his bear. It is practically identical, save for a red ribbon around it's neck rather than a blue one.

"Do you want to play?"

Jack gives a shrug. Elliot sits at the foot of Jack's bed and begins to talk excitedly.

"So, I'm adopted too, you know. Mom and dad are really nice." He pauses, waiting for a response, but continues when none is offered. "I hope you're happy here. I really like it, but mom and dad said that one day we'll move to a bigger house and we can each have a bedroom of our own!"

Wordlessly and without warning, Jack reaches out and snatches the bear out of Elliot's hands. Elliot looks uneasy, but replies, "See? He looks just like yours." Jack looks it over, then places his bear into Elliot's hands, clutching Elliot's bear to his chest.

"No, Jack! That's mine!" Elliot reaches to take his bear back, but gets a sharp shove and a kick that nearly sends him off the bed. "Give him back!"

Jack's eyes ablaze, he stares intently at Elliot as he wrenches the bear's head from its body, tearing the stitches and exposing the stuffing. Elliot wails and Jack throws the bear at him, grabbing his own back and scrambling to hide in the open closet.

Grace and Carrick rush into the room investigating their son's cries.

"What's going on?" They survey the scene and Grace comforts Elliot while Carrick kneels in front of Jack who is sitting on the floor inside his closet.

"Jack. Why did you do that to Elliot's bear?"

His face blank, Jack just stares coolly at Carrick.

"That is not acceptable behaviour in this house, young man. We'll have to think about what your consequences will be, but right now, you need to apologize to your brother."

"I wanted his bear." He growls. His first words to the Greys.

"Jack, that is Elliot's bear, and you have yours. I would like you to apologize."

Jack looks from Carrick's determined face, to Grace's concerned expression, and lastly to Elliot's hurt and tearful visage. With a slight smile that doesn't quite reach his eyes, he mutters, "Sorry."

Grace mirror's Carrick's concerned expression as they glace at one another, and they both stand.

"Come on Elliot. Let's see if we can fix your Mister Bubba Bear, huh?" Grace takes Elliot's hand and leads him out of the room.

Carrick looks at Jack. Unsure of what to say, he asks simply, "Would you like to talk?"

Jack shakes his head. Carrick sighs and rubs his head. "I'm working on making us some lunch. Do you want to help me prepare it?" Jack shakes his head again. "Okay. I'll come let you know when it's time to eat."

Jack says nothing, just stares at his hands until Carrick leaves the room. Once he is alone, he hops back onto the bed, lays back and stares at the ceiling, lost in thought.

...

"Okay, so another kid gets the opportunities I had. That's great, right?"

"Jack is different than you Christian. You were both abused as children, but Jack spent a lot longer in that abusive environment than you did. You were three when the Grey's adopted you. Jack is seven. He's gone from an abusive and neglectful infancy and early childhood, and then from foster home to foster home in the last year. It's affected him. Significantly. You think you're fifty shades of fucked up? Jack's got you beat."

"Hey, are angels allowed to swear like that?"

I ignore him and continue.

"It's not like a different face is slotted in and living your life, Christian. He's not a direct replacement for you. Life in the Grey family is very different without you in the picture and with Jack in your place."

"But Grace and Carrick are amazing parents. Surely they're able to change things for him."

"They could only do so much. By a certain age, a person's personality becomes a little more fixed. Experiences in childhood, and just general brain wiring, all make a difference in setting up who you are and what you're like. At this point, he's going to be a challenge for them. More than they did with you."

"I wasn't exactly a model child."

"No. But they've got their hands full with Jack. Loving him isn't going to be enough."

I spin my umbrella and we find ourselves a little further along.


	5. Chapter 5 - There's Something about Jack

**A/N - Sorry! It's been a busy few days. My cousin was in town from overseas for the holidays, so I had absolutely no computer time until today. Thanks for your patience. **

Chapter 5 – There's Something About Jack

We are now in a bedroom. Grace is crying. Carrick has his arms around her comforting her.

"Why now? Can we do this? I don't know how we're going to do this!"

"I know it's probably not the best time, but you can't predict when these opportunities come up. Do you want to say no? We can always say no."

Grace shakes her head. "No. We wanted this. I guess it was meant to be. Besides, I think it's a little late to back out now. It wouldn't be fair. I just... I'm terrified I won't be able to make it all work out."

"We're doing the best we can. And we'll just keep doing that. It's really all we can do."

"I don't think it's enough." Grace's brow furrows.

"It'll be a challenge, that's for sure. But we've already come so far. Jack's really come out of his shell in the past year. He's so clever, and he can be really sweet and charming."

Grace smiles through the tears. "True. Remember when he first said, 'I love you'? It melted my heart." She wipes at her face with her sleeve. "But it's been so hard on Elliot too. He's just so naturally sweet, and Jack can sometimes be so cruel with him. He's not usually a fighter, but since Jack has come along..." She shakes her head. "They've influenced each other. In good ways and in bad ways." Grace pauses. "Cary, can I tell you something terrible?"

Carrick gives her a questioning look.

"I can't believe I'm saying this." She swallows and whispers. "Some days I wonder if we made a mistake adopting Jack. What kind of mother thinks that?"

"Grace, he can certainly be a handful, to put it mildly. Some days he's an outright terror. We knew going in that raising him wouldn't be easy. You're not a bad mother, Gracie. Anyone else in our shoes would think the same thing. I've thought the same thing many times this past year."

Grace sighs. "It's like he just doesn't care sometimes. He knows his actions are hurtful, but he doesn't give a damn if it doesn't benefit him somehow." Carrick nods in agreement. "I was hoping the therapists and psychiatrists here would have other answers than the ones in Detroit, but it's the same thing. So many guesses; ADHD, bipolar, conduct disorder, autism, antisocial personality disorder, callous-unemotional temperament... nothing quite fits. I'm hoping Dr. Singh can give us some enlightenment. He's the pre-eminent expert in child and youth psychology on the West Coast. He studied under Dr. Robert Hare and Dr. Steve Hart, so he's got more experience and background in conduct disorders and psychopathy than the other therapists we've seen."

"Do you think it's as severe as psychopathy? Is that even possible for a boy his age?"

Grace shrugs. "I really don't know. I hope it's not that extreme, but if it is, I hope we get some answers for how to better shape his behaviour."

"Dr. Morgan in Detroit said he seemed to be getting better."

"Yes, and he seemed better some days, but keep in mind Dr. Morgan only saw Jack one hour a week. I think Jack told him what he wanted to hear and manipulated him like the others. Do you know what I found in his backpack?"

Carrick shook his head.

"My angel figurine that went missing."

"I thought Elliot took it?"

"I thought so too, but apparently not."

"Did you ask him about it?"

"I did. He laughed. And then he said he loved me and was sorry. I asked if he was sorry he took it or sorry he got caught."

"And?"

"He just shrugged. I grounded him. I told him he couldn't go on that school field trip to the science centre. He called me a bitch and started trashing his room. I told him 'I was not expecting you to hurt my feelings by calling me that' and he stopped and very calmly said: 'Well, I guess your expectations exceeded reality again, Mother.'"

"Jesus."

"It was so cold and calculating, Cary. It was like flipping a switch, as if he could turn the charm on and off. I don't know how else to explain it."

"He needs more severe punishments."

"Remember that time you spanked him, though?"

Carrick closed his eyes and blanched. "I'd rather not."

"That didn't seem to do him much good either. It's as if punishments don't affect him. I try to reward the good behaviour, but some days those moments are few and far between."

"So what do we do? He keeps getting into fights at school. He's constantly picking on Elliot, and I'm pretty sure he does the same to other kids in his class. We can't just give him back."

"No. No, I made a promise to love him no matter what. You know what background he came from. I can't just let him go back into the system. We owe it to him to give him the love he didn't have as a little one. I just can't abandon him like that."

"But Gracie, what if there's a foster-family that can help him more than we can?"

"Grace cocked an eyebrow. "I think we're better equipped to get him help than a foster family. No." She said resolutely, "I'm not giving up on him. He can be a handful, but I am not going to abandon him like his birth mother."

Carrick sighed. "Consider it as a last resort, then?"

Grace's eyes fill with tears again before she finally answers quietly, "Very last resort."

Carrick glances at his watch. "We'd better get going. Is the sitter here yet?"

Grace dabs her eyes and attempts to regain her composure. "She should be here any minute now."

Carrick cradles Grace's face in his hands, gazing into her eyes for a moment. "I love you Grace. You have the biggest heart out of anyone I know. We can survive this." He kisses her tenderly.

"Are we crazy for even considering what we're doing?"

"Stark raving mad." Carrick smirks. "But we'll make it work. This opportunity has presented itself because we're needed. Someone needs us."

Grace nods as the doorbell rings.

"Okay, time to go." Carrick says with a smile.

. . .

The sitter is reading at the kitchen table while Jack and Elliot watch He-Man in the adjacent family room.

"I used to love that show." Muses Christian. "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. Elliot and I watched it faithfully after school every day. We didn't always get along, but that had to be one of the only things we agreed on. We would argue, though, about who would be He-Man when we played make-believe. Because he was blonde, and older, Elliot usually ended up with that honour. But sometimes, when he was feeling generous, he would let me be He-Man, and he would be Battle-Cat and let me ride around on his back." Christian smiles at the memory while watching the younger version of his brother.

"Hey Smelliot, can't you sit any farther away? Your reek is making my eyes water."

Elliot rolls his eyes. "Shut up, Jack."

"Seriously. You know nobody likes you, right? I figured it's because you're a loser, but now I think it's because you smell like a dead dog's ass." He then chimes, "Smelliot! Smelliot! Baby's got a smelly butt!"

Elliot scowls. "I don't smell and you know it. You're such an asshole, Jack!"

"Ooh! Baby's got a potty mouth!"

"I'm not a baby. I'm older than you by five months!"

"Oh right! I keep forgetting because I see you crying all the time."

Elliot folds his arms across his chest in a feeble attempt to block out Jack's invective.

"That's probably why Mom and Dad are looking to give you back to the orphanage. They like me best, you know.

"They are not. Besides, you're the screw-up. They're always going to all those doctors' appointments and stuff with you."

Smirking, Jack brushes off the notion. "I don't know. It wouldn't surprise me if they tried to replace you. They don't love you." He moves in closer and says in a quiet, conspiratorial whisper, "They were pretty pissed off that you stole that figurine mom loves."

"I didn't steal anything! I don't know why she thought I had." Elliot studies Jack's impassive face and narrows his eyes. "You told them I took it, didn't you?"

Jack adopts an affronted expression. "What? Why would I do that?"

"Because you're an asshole who is always trying to mess things up for me. I don't know why, though."

"Because I hate you." Jack replies, simply and without hesitation.

Elliot cannot hide his wounded expression. "Why?"

Jack shrugs, then laughs and says, "Why not!" adding, mockingly, "Maybe because you're a smelly cry-baby."

Furious, and goaded past his limit, Elliot launches himself at Jack, fists flailing.

Jack swings back. They are soon a tangle of eight-year-old fury, fists and feet making random contact with heads and torsos as they thrash about knocking into the furniture.

The babysitter rushes in. "Boys! Quit it!"

Elliot is screaming, "I hate you! I wish they never adopted you!"

"Elliot Trevelyan Grey and Jack Trevelyan Grey! Stop that, RIGHT NOW!" Carrick's voice booms from the doorway and both boys freeze immediately. "Elliot, I don't ever want to hear you say that again!"

"But – "

"And Jack, do not provoke your brother. You two are constantly at each others' throats and I'm sick of it. Things are going to be really different around here, and you two need to start behaving or there will be consequences. It's not just you two now."

With that, Grace walked in carrying a dark-haired infant wrapped in a pink blanket.

"We got the call this morning that a baby was suddenly available for adoption. This little one's parents were killed in a car accident, and there was no one else that could take her in. We couldn't say no. So you're both going to need to start behaving yourselves a lot more, because you now have a new baby sister in your lives. Your mother and I need to spend time taking care of her too." Carrick's face softens. "This is Mia."

Elliot's contrite look is replaced by one of awe as he looks upon his new sibling. "She's so little!"

Christian is quiet beside me, an expression matching his brother's is upon his face. He smiles, reflecting, "I'd forgotten how tiny she was. She was the first person that I loved instantly, and felt protective over."

Jack eyes the sleeping bundle impassively.

"I know this is sudden. We were only just talking about it a few weeks ago, but this opportunity came up sooner than we expected and we didn't want to pass it up. We have always wanted a daughter in our family too."

Elliot looks worried for a moment, recalling Jack's earlier comment about a replacement.

"I thought we already had one." Muttered Jack, eyeing Elliot with a wry grin.

"Jack, stop goading your brother." Carrick admonished.

"Boys," Grace says gently. "Clean up this mess and get ready for dinner. Marguerite?"

The sitter looked up from making gurgling noises at Mia. "Yes ma'am?"

"Thank you for watching the boys while we picked up the baby."

"Any time, Mrs. Grey."

The adults turn and leave the room. Jack takes one last shot, bumping Elliot's shoulder menacingly as he walked past him.

"Hey!" Elliot cried out in protest.

Carrick shot a warning look at Elliot.

"But dad – "

"Enough. Clean up this room. Now!"

"Yes sir." Without another word to their parents or each other, the boys began to work on straightening up what their scuffle had knocked askew.

"Elliot is right. Jack is an asshole!" Christian remarks. "Elliot was always a bit of a buffoon as my older brother. He was an ass at times, but nothing like this."

I nod. "Elliot endures this intimidation for years. We'll see what that's done to him. But first, we've got a bit more background to catch up on." I drop my umbrella and once again give it a spin. Christian looks at me curiously as the spinning slows.

"Why do I get the feeling things are going to get worse as we go on."

I say nothing. It's time to start bringing out the big guns.


	6. Chapter 6 - The big gun

**A/N - Thank you for the reviews, and "hello" to all my new followers!**

*****WARNING*** This chapter contains sensitive and potentially disturbing subject matter. Just to be safe, the rating of this story has been changed to M to reflect this. I have tried to keep this chapter as minimally graphic as possible while still conveying the evil nature of Jack's character, but some may still be offended by the it. Reader's discretion is advised.**

Chapter 6 – Mia

I lifted the umbrella yet again. We materialized in the same family room, but this Jack and an older Mia sat on the couch watching TV.

"Aw, Mia, are you still mad at me?"

Jack, plainly in his mid-teens, is strong and wiry. Mia, already diminutive, appeared practically miniscule next to her brother.

"You said you'd be there at my birthday party, but you never made it." Mia pouted.

"I had something to do, Mia. Mrs. Lincoln needed my help at her house again."

"But it was my birthday!"

"Hey, I said I was sorry! I did get you a cool gift, though. You seem to like it."

Mia looked down at the toy pony on her lap. She was unable to keep her lips from twitching into a smile as she stroked its mane and tail. "Thanks Jack," she admitted shyly. "She's beautiful."

"So what did you name her, then?"

"Buttercup."

Jack laughed. "Cute."

A few moments later Jack said nonchalantly, "They had the special sparkly rainbow one too. I think that's the one everyone's after." Mia's eyebrows shot up. Jack smiled. "I just might have picked that one up for you too."

Mia's eyes widened and she fought to remain aloof. She could not keep a burgeoning smile from betraying her weakness for collectible toy ponies, however. "Really?"

"Are you still mad at me?"

The smile bloomed across Mia's face as she shook her head no.

"That's my girl!" Jack chuckled.

"Where is it?"

"Well, here's the thing. I've got it right here in my bag, but I figured we'd play another game first."

Mia's smile faltered. "Like the last time?"

"Yeah, but better. Here." From Jack's book bag, he produced a rumpled magazine and opened it onto Mia's lap.

Mia furrowed her eyebrows as Jack turned the pages. "What are they doing?"

"Well, it's kind of like the kissing game, only better."

"It looks... weird."

"It's not once you get used to it. I promise you. It's what grown-ups who love each other do." His voice dropped to a low murmur as he moved in closer. "I love you. I'd never hurt you." His hand dropped to her lap beneath the magazine. The forgotten cartoon played on in the background, its bubbly music incongruent to the happenings unfolding in the room.

"What is that fucker doing?" Christian growled, his hands curling into fists at his side.

"Jack, I don't want to play this game."

Jack lowered his head to place a kiss on Mia's neck. He whispered softly into her ear, "It feels good, right? See, they're smiling in the pictures. It's because they're having a good time."

"I don't want to," Mia whimpered, cringing away from his touch. He pressed her against the arm of the couch, trapping her.

"You do want that other pony, don't you Mia?" He asked. "I got it just for you because you're my special girl. I didn't have to get that rainbow one. It was hard to track down, I had to go to four different stores until I found it; they were sold out everywhere. It cost a whole lot more than the other one too." Mia swallowed. "And I'd hate for anything to happen to Buttercup. I mean you just got her." Jack reached out to grip the toy pony's head.

Tears formed in Mia's eyes. "Jack – "she began tremulously. The phone began to ring. Jack removed his hand from her lap. Mia looked relieved as Jack answered the phone.

"Hello? Oh, hi mom... Sure, I'll take it out to thaw. No problem... Okay, see you in ten." He hung up the phone and turned back to the girl.

"Mom's on her way. We can continue this another time." He casually collected the magazine and returned it to his bag. "Now remember what I've said before, this is our secret game, okay? I'd hate for you to get hurt if someone found out about it." He smoothed a strand of hair behind her ear and gripped her by the chin. "Not like they'd believe you anyway. Why would they listen to a little kid?" he laughed. "They'd probably just send you back to the orphanage if you told them about something like this." His eyes darkened. "Are we clear?"

Frozen, Mia's eyes filled with tears as she struggled to keep her fear from surfacing.

"You do want the sparkle pony, don't you?" He pulled the coveted item from his bag and turned it over in his hands, just out of her reach. "You know what you need to do to get the sparkle pony, right?"

Mia nodded, her lower lip trembling.

"Say it."

"We play our game, and I don't tell mom or anyone," she whispered.

"Absolutely no one, Mia." Jack reiterated, marking emphasis by gesturing with the toy. His hands wrapped menacingly around the pony's neck. "I don't need to remind you what will happen if you do."

Mia shook her head. Jack stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, his face shifting into a beatific smile. "Great!" He tucked the toy back into his bag, Mia eyed it covetously as it disappeared from view. "I guess we'll be seeing her later then."

He kissed her forehead, then left the room. Mia remained on the couch, her face anxious and drawn. She curled into a ball, her knees tucked to her chest, and sat motionless.

Christian's face had since gone scarlet with rage. "What the fuck? What the _fuck?_" He glared frantically at me. "How could he do that? How can you let him do that?" he yelled, grabbing me by the lapels of my overcoat. Distraught, he shook me. "Do something! Fucking do something!" I lowered the umbrella, obscuring the scene.

"It's already happened, Christian. You were never born, never adopted into the Greys, and so Jack was there instead." I replied simply. "There's nothing I can do."

"That is fucked up." Christian spat with disgust. "That wasn't the only time, was it?"

I shook my head. "It started very sporadically around that time, when Mia turned seven. Jack was fifteen and had just started an after school job with a friend of your mother's."

"Oh Jesus. Elena."

"Yes. Elena. The same circumstance as when you were fifteen. Troubled boy set straight by Elena's unconventional tutelage. As with you, Grace and Carrick had no idea the true nature of their relationship."

"But I never did 'that' to Mia. I'd never dream of doing that, no matter what fucked up shit I did with Elena."

"Jack is cut from a different cloth. He had always been cruel. Elena's training merely opened the door to a new language of cruelty for him. A new way to assert power over others."

"So how long did it go on for?"

"Three years, consistently." I reported sadly. "Then occasionally for another three years whenever he was home from college. After that, he went on to other pursuits."

"I think I'm going to be sick." Christian tugs at his hair. "What happened to Mia, then?"

"You'll find that out later. We need to move on. That's not all I want to show you, Christian."

It's time for the biggest gun I've got.

"What else could you possibly show me? How can it get any worse?"

"Christian, there is one more person your absence affects."

Realization dawns on Christian. "No."

I lifted my umbrella again.

Christian shut his eyes, willing it away. "No, no, no. Please no."

We found ourselves in the lobby of a smartly appointed office. Wood-grain and brushed steel, the receptionist's desk stood, a study of hard lines and a monument to modernist elegance. A large sign above the receptionist's head read "Grey Enterprises" in large black letters.

Footsteps.

We heard the click-clack of a sensible heel on polished granite stride to the desk and halt just beside us. Christian's demeanor changed immediately. Her mere proximity triggered his senses. Before she uttered a single word, Christian felt her standing there by his elbow and knew. Attuned to her presence, he needed no confirmation before he even turned his head and laid his eyes on her face.

"I'm here to see Mister Grey. Anastasia Steele for Katherine Kavanagh."

Christian gazed at her, mesmerized. He basked in her presence, eyeing her with adoration and furious longing as a thirsty man would a glass of water. Her mere presence before him: the balm to his tortured soul.

"My Ana."

* * *

**A/N 2 - Many thanks to the brilliant Wearejorus for your guidance. I owe you a bundt cake.**

**Credit where credit is due: Ana's line is taken directly from Fifty Shades of Grey. As always, EL James owns this series and its' characters. **


	7. Chapter 7 - The Biggest Gun

A/N – Thank you Bronze Goddess for pointing out my error in Chapter 3. I've changed Ambassador Bridge to Belle Isle Bridge. Thanks also to WeAreJorus for being my beta reader for this chapter.

Chapter 7 – The Biggest Gun

"The interview."Christian said.

"Yes."

He watched as Ana entered what should have been his own office. A smile crossed his face as she stumbled and fell, exactly as she had done months ago for him. It seemed that in any reality, Ana is destined to possess a tendency towards clumsiness. It appeared Jack found this curiously endearing, as he rushed to her side.

Christian watched helplessly as Jack aided Ana to her feet. Like a possessive dog, Christian let out an instinctual growl. "Hands off, fucker. She's mine."

"He can't hear you. And she's not yours anymore." I remind him.

Jack extended a perfectly manicured hand to Ana. "Miss Kavanagh, was it?" He asked, pulling her to her feet. He chuckled, "That was quite the entrance!"

Ana blushed. "I'm so sorry for that. Um, Miss Kavanagh is indisposed, so she sent me. I'm Anastasia Steele. I'm studying English Literature with Kate... um... Miss Kavanagh, at Washington State."

"No need to apologize. Won't you have a seat, Miss Steele?"

"Thank you." Ana looked nervous and flustered as she lowered herself into the black leather chair Jack gestured to. Her hands trembled as she set up the recorder and fished out the pages of questions Kate had prepared. Jack sat at his desk, eyeing her curiously over tented fingers.

"I hope you don't mind me recording."

"Not at all," He smiled.

"You're aware of why Miss Kavanagh was interviewing you?"

"As I understand it, she'd like some details about my background and business for the graduation issue of the student newspaper, since I'll be conferring degrees at this year's convocation."

Ana nods. "That's right. Thank you again, for taking time out of your busy schedule to do this!" Ana pressed a button on the device, and consulted her page of notes.

"Mr. Grey, you're very young to have amassed such an empire. To what do you owe your success?"

"Above all, my ability to maintain control and discipline, and my ability to read people in order to get the best from them. I run a tight ship."

"Some may say you could take advantage of people's weaknesses that way."

Jack cocked an eyebrow. "I play to peoples' strengths, Miss Steele, and I know a good opportunity to act when I see it. I made my first million picking up businesses others considered sinking ships. The rest of my _empire_, as you put it, has been amassed by continuing in that vein."

"Almost like feeding off carrion." Ana mused. "You take what others cast aside and use it to make you stronger."

"An interesting way of putting it." He chuckled. "You make it sound so predatory and nefarious though."

"Maybe you're just lucky."

"I suppose there's an element of luck to anything. But I like to think when luck isn't on my side, I can rely on my own talents and devices to still get my way."

"You seem very sure of yourself for someone so young."

"I think my track record speaks for itself. I'm a billionaire. I employ tens of thousands of people. I run this company and its holdings on my own. I think there's a little more to it than mere luck, Miss Steele. And I think that entitles me to a little arrogance." He gave a self satisfied smirk and sat back.

"Does your discipline and drive apply to any interests outside your work?"

"I engage in a number of hobbies ." Jack stroked his chin.

"Such as?"

"Physical pursuits. Hunting."

"Hunting? What do you hunt?"

"Large prey. It's an amazing feeling, holding that kind of power over another living being. Have you ever been before?"

Ana shook her head. "No. I must admit, I find the practice cruel."

"It's a rush, Miss Steele. Having a moving, thinking, living target; using your wits and instincts to track it and take it down. It is incredibly empowering. Hunting actually utilizes the very same skills and qualities that make me a successful businessman. It's a dog-eat-dog world, inside and outside the boardroom. Dominance is essential, both in the primal sense, and in the figurative sense." Jack's eyes blazed as his gaze roamed over her body.

Ana shifted in her seat uncomfortably and cleared her throat. "It's not for everyone."

"And that's why everyone is not a billionaire by 30, like me." Jack sat back and grinned, smugly.

Ana returned to Kate's questions. "You invest in communications, manufacturing, arts, and entertainment. That's quite a varied range of industries. Why the diversity?"

"I like to dabble. I find diversity a key element to life. I want to master everything."

"You seem to crave power and control."

"I seek mastery of them. But don't we all, to some extent?"

"Does that extend to your personal life as well? What is the impact of your hard work on your family?"

Jack shrugged. "I'm not close to my family. I have no dependents. No one that needs my constant attention. I can place all my energy and focus on my business. That's my baby."

Ana looked to her notes. "You were adopted as a child."

"Yes."

"Did that have any bearing on the path you've chosen today?"

"I had a difficult childhood before I was adopted. I had to fight to survive. I think that did instill a sense of survival, and a need to always fight for what I want. My adoptive parents taught me the value of hard work, and a family friend furthered my training in discipline during the tumultuous teen years. I owe where I am today to them."

"Would you like a family of your own one day?"

"Are you asking, Miss Steele?" Jack winked.

Flustered, Ana stammered, "No, no. I just wonder, if you settled down, found someone you loved and wanted to marry and start a family with, if you'd still crave the same control to continue your business at the pace you've set."

"Love is for the weak, Miss Steele. I think it's an illusion designed to hobble men from reaching their full potential."

Ana looked taken aback by his statement. Jack softened his tone. "I've never come close to finding someone that made me want to slow down. You'll forgive me for thinking it doesn't exist."

"Finding love doesn't mean you have to change who you are at your core. You may find someone that moves at the same pace as you."

"Or is willing to put up with it."

"True."

"Have you found that, Miss Steele? Someone that moves at your pace?"

"Not as of yet."

Jack nods. "Then who knows which one of us is right?"

Ana looked back to her notes. "That's about it for Miss Kavanagh's questions."

"Miss Steele, are you at all interested in working for Grey Enterprises?"

Startled, Ana's head snapped up. "I beg your pardon?"

"I told you, I'm a keen judge of peoples' character. You seem to have the sharp mind and attention to detail I seek in an employee. When I see an opportunity, I go for it. We offer a number of internships here at GEH. Would I be able to convince you to come work for me? There are... a number of positions I could see you in."

The innuendo was not lost on Christian, who again clenched his fists as a low growl rumbled in his throat.

"I have a job, Mr. Grey."

"Doing what?"

Ana's eyes shifted to the floor. "I work at a hardware store."

"Retail, Miss Steele? Don't you think your talents are wasted pricing plungers and ringing in sheetrock? I could have you working in the publishing field tomorrow."

"I...um... wow. That is very generous of you, Mr. Grey. I would love a job in the publishing industry, but I'd much rather do a proper search to see what's out there. "

"You're worried if I give you the job, it would not be of your own merit."

Ana nodded.

"They say that most job openings are not advertised, that's it's all about accessing the hidden job market, taking advantage of opportunities when they present themselves. Consider this an opportune job offering. I have an internship program, and we would ordinarily be filling an opening a few months from now. It would be a great experience, excellent for your resume, and it would save our HR department the recruitment time if you were to start immediately. I can set up an interview for you at least. If our head of recruitment in HR decides you're a good fit, she can discuss placement with you."

"I don't know what to say."

"Say you'll accept. It's a rare opportunity I'm affording you, Miss Steele. You'd be a fool not to take it."

Ana bit her lower lip in thought. "Yes –" She hesitated as she pondered his offer for a moment more. "I suppose it _would_ be an excellent opportunity." Resolved, she gave a small nod. "Thank you, Mr. Grey. I'll meet with your human resources person."

Jack handed two business cards to Ana.

"Here's the number for Monica, she's the contact in HR. If you don't hear from her within the next two days, give her a call. And here is my contact information. Please don't hesitate to call if you have any questions. You can leave your number with my personal assistant on the way out and I'll forward it to Monica."

"Thank you so much, Mister Grey. I must admit, I was a little intimidated coming here to interview you today."

"Well, I certainly hope you're feeling more comfortable around me. If all goes well with your interview, you'll be seeing more of me."

"I am, thank you."

"It's been a pleasure, Miss Steele."

"Likewise, Mister Grey."

Christian seethed as he impotently watched Jack place his hand on Ana's lower back and guided her to the door. Without a word, I spun the umbrella to the next moment for Christian to witness.

. . .

Seated at a desk in a small office, Ana typed at her computer, lost in the work before her. A knock broke the stillness in the room, and in the doorway stood Jack.

"Mister Grey."

"Ana, please. How many times have I told you? It's Jack."

"Sorry."

"You look amazing today! That color really suits you!"

Ana fingered the collar of her blouse and blushed. "Um... thanks Jack."

"Excellent work you did on that research into the publishing market in California." He casually sat on the corner of her desk. "I do hope you're enjoying the work. I know you'd prefer to do work more specific to your career goals, like editing, but I wanted to make sure you received a variety of assignments to get the full experience of working for a larger company. Doing research for my publishing firm has hopefully afforded you a bit of a taste for that line of work. You could very well end up running Grey Publishing one day."

"Thank you. I am enjoying myself. It's really eye opening seeing the different aspects of the field. Terry has been a great team leader."

"He knows his stuff! Between he and I, you're learning from the best."

"I can't thank you enough for this opportunity, Jack."

He leaned in. "Have you given any more thought to having dinner with me?"

Ana appeared visibly uncomfortable as she tried to avoid his gaze.

"I'd hate for people to talk. You are my boss's boss's boss, Jack. It doesn't seem right."

"How about just a casual drink after work, then? Think of it as more of a favor for me, in exchange for the recommendation I gave you to get this job."

Ana looked down at the pen she found herself fidgeting with.

"Miss Steele." Jack reached over and tilted her face up with one finger under her chin. "Ana. Can I be frank? I enjoy your company. I find you a delight to be with. All I'm asking for is one drink."

Trying to remain polite, Ana began, "It's not that... I actually don't... Jack, I..." flustered, Ana paused, struggling helplessly to tactfully refuse her boss's advances without pissing him off.

"One drink, Ana. Don't make me beg."

Jack pouted and batted his eyelashes, attempting to endear himself with Ana.

Christian made exaggerated retching sounds beside me.

Ana sighed."One drink after work." She conceded. "But only if others are coming too."

Not pleased with the thought of added company, Jack begrudgingly nodded. "Fine. Send out an email. Get back to me with names and I can put you on the guest list at my club. The Blur onTenth."

"Sure."

"I look forward to it!" Jack hopped off her desk and strode out of her office back down the hall to his own.

Shaking her head, Ana set forth to emailing her colleagues. Moments later another knock interrupted her.

"Steele!"

"Kavanagh!"

"All set for lunch?"

Ana looked at her watch. "Wow! Already? Sorry, I got a little sidetracked." She finished typing, then hopped out of her seat. "Okay, all set. Let's go!"

She grabbed her purse and they headed to a nearby deli.

"So, I'm gonna see Josh again tonight!" Kate squealed.

"That's great! He seems nice."

"Oh honey, 'nice' doesn't cover it! The man is a sex machine!"

Ana smiled.

"Sorry, I know we were going to go out for drinks with Jose tonight, but I'm going to have to bail on you."

"Oh shit! I forgot about that! I made other plans too."

"Oh? Hot date?"

Ana shook her head vehemently. "No! Just drinks with folks from work. I promised I'd go. Maybe I could meet up with Jose after..." Ana pulled out her phone to send a text to Jose.

"That's a shame. I think Josh has a friend we could set you up with."

"No thank you. I've seen Josh's friends the last time I went out with you two. Not my type."

Kate sighed. "You know Mr. Darcy only exists on paper, right?"

Ana rolled her eyes.

"You have such high standards. You just need to get laid already."

"I do not." Ana laughed. "Okay, maybe I do. Whatever. Just because I'm not easy like you."

"I'm not easy, just a little slutty at the right times."

"Usually at three in the morning when your roommate is trying to sleep in the bedroom next door."

Ignoring the comment, Kate continued. "I don't know why you don't just go out with Jose already. He's totally in love with you."

Ana wrinkled her nose. "You know he's more like a brother to me, Kate. I really can't imagine being with him romantically."

"Forget romance. How about a fuck buddy!" Kate waggled her eyebrows.

Ana snickered, then shook her head, dismissing the notion. "No. Besides, I don't want my first time to be with a 'fuck buddy'"

"Ethan's still single."

"Jeez, Kate! Would you quit trying to set me up? Ethan's even more like a brother to me than Jose!"

Kate rolled her eyes in return. "You're gonna die an old spinster, you know that, right?"

"Whatever. Mister Right is out there. Somewhere."

"He could be any of the guys that make moon eyes at you wherever we go."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You get eye-fucked on a daily basis Ana."

"You're delusional."

Kate shakes her head. "I'm telling you..."

"Whatever." Ana polishes off her sandwich.

"You could get lucky tonight!"

"I doubt it, seeing as I work with mostly ladies. And you haven't seen the guys I work with." Ana made a face.

"Still, you're going somewhere public, right? Just call me if you need a wing-man!"

"Please, you're going to be busy checking out the inside of Josh's mouth with your tongue. "

"Oh, if I have my way I'll be checking out way more than his mouth with way more than just my tongue!"

"So who's going to be my wing-man?"

"Well, I guess Jose will be free tonight!"

"Won't he just love that!"

"He'd do anything for you."

"_But he won't do that..." _Kate snickered as Ana crooned the follow-up line from a Meatloaf song.

Christian laughed, amused by Ana's little aside. He found himself once again charmed by her sweet playfulness, albeit from a distance this time.

Kate finished her lunch, and they returned to Ana's office.

"Thanks for joining me, Kate."

"It was my pleasure!"

"I'll catch up with you tonight or tomorrow, whenever you're back from your date."

"Okay. See ya!"

Ana gave a quick wave as she disappeared into the building.

. . .

I moved us forward with my umbrella. In an instant, our senses were assaulted by raucous dance music and swirling lights in a darkened night club. Through the throng, Christian spotted Ana as our eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. Sheathed in a plum colored dress that made Christian stifle an audible groan, she sat chatting amiably with a few people at a large corner booth. Jack balanced shots from the bar between his fingers, and doled them out among those at the table. He pushed in next to Ana and slung an arm over her shoulder. Raising his glass, he raised his voice to proclaim over the din, "Excellent work on the quarterlies, guys. Congratulations. And I also want to give a big welcome to Miss Ana, here! You're a fine addition to the team!"

The group cheered and downed their drinks. The others at the table became immersed in animated conversation. Jack's fingertips lingered on Ana's shoulder, gently caressing the skin with his thumb. Jack leaned in further, his mouth to her ear and asked, "Would you like to dance?"

If Kate were with her, she'd be out there in an instant. Instead, she shook her head, trying to appear engaged but obvious in her disinterest. "No, I'm okay here."

"Are you not having a good time?"

"It's just... I don't like to dance." She lied.

Jack traced the hem of her dress, his fingers lingering on the smooth skin of her thigh.

"We could sit in a private room to talk, if you prefer. It's quieter."

"Uh, Jack..." Ana began. "I should probably start heading home soon. It's been fun, but..."

"Ana," Jack's eyes darkened. "I'd love to get to know you more. I can't stop thinking about you since you fell into my office."

Ana leaned away. "Jack, you've been very kind, but to be honest, I'm really not interested."

"Ana, hundreds of women would kill to be in your shoes right now. Anything you want, I could snap my fingers and have it in front of you in an instant."

"I'm sorry..."

Jack stiffened, his features curling into a sneer.

"Am I not good enough for you?" He hissed into her ear. "Do I not meet your standards somehow?" He paused and readjusted himself. His control broken for just a moment, the mask slipped back into place and he was once again jovial and aloof. Mercurial was an understatement.

Ana's workmates, oblivious to Jack and Ana's exchange, turned their conversation to her. "Ana! Let's dance!" They grabbed her hand and tugged at her to follow them.

"I..." She looked at Jack. "Sure."

Jack's face remained impassive as he watched her disappear into the crowd with the other ladies from the office. He tapped his fingers listlessly against the table, staring at her. Suddenly resolved, he got up and left the club for a short while, but returned and strode directly to the bar. He found the group of ladies dancing and offered them each another shooter.

"One more drink, ladies. On me!" He handed one to Ana and kept his gaze locked on hers as he said, "To good times!"

"Good times!" The group repeated and downed their shots. "Ladies, would you mind if your boss joined you for a dance?"

They looked at each other and shrugged. Ana averted her eyes and shrank back from the group. They continued to dance as one throbbing, bass-heavy melody blended into the next. The crowd was packed together, bodies pressed into one another, undulating en masse. Unnoticed by anyone but us, Jack subtly angled his body so that Ana was separated from the others. Gradually, she had been pushed further and further from the group as they dissipated among the crowd themselves. Jack had his hands on Ana's hips. She was wavering, pressed in among the crowd, the push of the bodies around her held her upright. Her eyes, heavily lidded, her head lolling slightly, Jack pressed up against her, holding her up and guiding her through the mass of humanity on the dance floor until they eventually found themselves at a rear corridor. Practically dragging her, now, he chuckled softly into her ear, "Come, my dear. Let's go somewhere where we can have a little fun."

. . .

"Where is he taking her?" Christian asked, nervously.

Another spin, then I raised my umbrella to reveal Jack and Ana in a BDSM playroom. Christian's breathing hitched . This room looked nothing like his own. Where Christian's playroom felt warm and opulent, Jack's exuded a much more cold, sterile, almost clinical feel. Metal cabinets lined the length of one wall, a steel grid with shackles hung on another. The third featured row upon row of whips and canes, and the entire fourth wall was one, big floor to ceiling mirror. A large, steel bed fitted with black silk sheets occupied the middle of the room, spot-lit and elevated on a dais.

The most shocking element: Ana lay, semi-conscious upon the mattress, her hands and feet spread-eagle and bound to each corner. I could feel Christian trembling beside me.

Jack stood next to the bed with a broad perforated paddle in one hand, and stroked Ana's cheek with it. He traced a line down over her breasts and between her legs. Another proprietary growl emanated from Christian.

"Such a pretty little cock-tease, you are. Tempting me for months from your desk. Giving me those flirty looks whenever I'm around." He clucked his tongue. "So many women would jump at this opportunity, but you had to be the one to say no." He shook his head. "Now, I love a challenge as much as the next guy, but enough is enough. I couldn't wait any longer. It's too bad your stubbornness made me resort to this."

Jack continued to fondle Ana. "I was hoping I could get you in here under different circumstances." He tweaked her nipples. Ana's eyelids fluttered and she gave a slight groan in protest.

He raised his arm and brought the paddle down onto Ana's breasts. Christian hissed as if he himself was struck.

Ana's eyes snapped open as she gasped and shrieked in pain. Her gaze darted around the room, taking in her surroundings, and finally settled on Jack. Her face shifted from confusion to fear in an instant and she pulled her arms and legs in a futile attempt to escape her bindings. Jack smiled. His eyes grew dark and malevolent as he sidled towards the bed.

"This could have been much more fun for you, you know. Most of the ladies I bring in here are rather fond of my toys. But you had to be a _little. Uppity. Bitch. _" He punctuated each of the last words with swats to her stomach and thighs.

Ana screamed, a keening wail, "Why?"as her tears coursed onto the bed.

"I told you," he said, lifting her chin with the end of his paddle so she could look him in the eye. "I always get what I want."

Ana continued to shriek. Jack slapped her face, suddenly, shocking her into silence.

Christian quivered, taught like a coiled spring beside me. "Mother. Fucker."

Jack knelt between her legs and licked the apex between her thighs. "Ah, you taste so sweet. And you smell of innocence. It's been a while since I've been with someone like you. I ordinarily love the struggle. I love to hear them scream and call out my name. But there's something to be said about the hard-to-get fucks." He stripped off his boxers revealing his bobbing erection, which he promptly fisted as he kneeled onto the bed between her legs.

"No, Jack. Please!"

He laughed, "Beg for mercy. Go on. That's my favorite part."

Snuffling, and biting back the pain, she choked out, "You sadistic bastard," between clenched teeth.

Jack gripped her face. "Oh honey, you don't know the half of it."

He stroked her cheek. "I've had months to think imagine you in all sorts of scenes. Ropes, suspension, caning you while you're gagged and bound, marking your flesh and making you scream. But those plans have all gone to shit. Now I have to get creative to make sure nothing marks you." Smack. Another hit, this time to her mound. Ana whimpered, crying.

"Typically I get my partners to sign an NDA, work out a contract, but you –" he chuckled and shook his head. "You had to be difficult. You could have enjoyed it. I could have eased you into it. Showed you the ropes, so to speak. But you're a stubborn little bitch. I had to have you, no matter what."

He spit on his hand and rubbed it onto his hardness for lubrication. "I was going to wait to fuck you after a bit more play, but it's been some time since I was last with a sub, and you've got me all hot and bothered. I need to fuck you now. Oh, but don't worry, the night is young. I'll introduce you to more of my toys later."

Ana squirmed, struggling ineffectively to buck him off of her. "Jack, please no. I'm a virgin!"

Jack paused. "Really?" he laughed mockingly. "Well that just makes this extra special then." With that, he thrust into her viciously.

Christian screamed as Ana did. "No! NO! Fucking Bastard! You mother fucking son of a bitch!" He lunged forward like an animal, forgetting his incapacity to come to her aid. I grasped him around the waist and pulled him back. "NO!" he wailed, trying to wrest himself from my grasp. "I need to save her! He's tearing her to pieces! I have to stop him!"

Ana screamed, "Jack stop! No! Please!"

Jack paused and wrapped his hands around her throat. "I could end this all so easily, Ana."

Ana's eyes bulged as she gasped for air.

"Let me make your choices very clear. This can either end pleasantly, or not. I have no qualms ending your life right now, and I have a plethora of yes-men at my beck and call that would be eager to provide me an alibi and make all traces of you disappear for a mere pittance to me. Not only that, but I could make the remainder of your loved ones' lives a living hell." Ana froze. "Oh yes, I know you live with Katherine Kavanagh in the Market district. I know your father is Raymond Steele and that he lives and works in Montesano. And your mother is Carla Adams, living in Florida with her husband Robert. I know a lot of things about you Ana. If you take your punishment like a good little girl, I'll make sure you walk out of here alive and your family goes untouched. But, make no mistake, if I find out you told anyone, or went to the authorities about this – "He tightened the grip around her throat.

"Do I make myself clear, Miss Steele?"

Ana nodded, her eyes, wide with terror and brimming with tears.

"Excellent." He removed his hands and began thrusting into her. "Oh baby, you are so sweet. Shit, you feel as good as I imagined!" Jack grunted as he thrust into Ana at a punishing pace.

I dropped the umbrella, the sounds from the room were silenced immediately. Christian turned to me, striking me about the chest and face in a rage. "Take me back! I want to go back! I have to save her!"

Blocking the blows and grasping his hands with one of my own, I can only reassert, "There is nothing you can do."

"I'll kill him! I'll kill that motherfucker!"

Christian writhed and wailed in agony over his futility. Fists balled, clenched to his head, he crumpled to his knees. "Ana. Oh my god, Ana." He sobbed. "How could he do that? How could he do that to my Ana?"

I stood there, watching him come undone. It seemed an eternity, but Christian was eventually quiet, the wracking sobs abated.

He sat at my feet, head in his hands.

"She was so innocent when we met. Even then, with all my… predilections… I knew I never wanted to hurt her. Not like that. What kind of… sick, fucked up piece of shit does that?"

"Jack has no morals. No conscience. He is selfish, and manipulative, and very, very cruel. Where you saw someone to protect, he saw someone to intimidate."

Christian mused, "When I first realized I loved Ana, it was like opening my eyes and seeing the sun for the first time."

"It was the same for Ana with you. You're her true love as much as she is yours."

"I needed her, you know." He reflected, quietly. "I'm sure you know. I didn't think I could love anyone until I met her. I've never known anyone so beautiful, inside and out. I didn't think I was worthy of her, of her love, until she came along and saved me."

"She needed you too, Christian. They all needed you."

"So that this doesn't happen? So Elliot doesn't get bullied? So Mia doesn't get molested? So my Ana doesn't get beaten and raped?"

"Not just that, Christian. You're not just a placeholder. Even without this evil in their lives, if you were never born they would only be a fraction of who they're meant to be. You are as much a part of them as they are of you. Your presence helped shape who they were, who they became. You are not the dark soul you think you are. You did not break the people you love. You helped make them better than they could have been."

. . .

I lifted my umbrella once he had composed himself.

Ana woke in a bed she had never seen before. Dizzy and disoriented, she sat up, panic crossed her face and she winced in pain as she remembered events from the prior evening.

Jack entered. "Oh Ana. What am I going to do with you?" He said, coolly.

Fearful, she curled away, trying to distance herself from him. "I want to go home."

Jack tutted as he placed a glass of orange juice and two pills on the beside table. "Advil for you."

Ana looked warily at him, not moving.

"You're an amazing fuck, Ana."

Silence.

"Do you remember our agreement?" He said quietly.

Ana nodded.

"If you go to the police, or tell anyone what happened, Kate – "

"I know."

" – your mother – "

"I know."

"- and your father – "

"Yes, Jack, I know. I know. No one will find out. I won't tell anyone. I swear."

Jack nodded, satisfied.

"I expect to see you at your desk, on time, Monday morning."

"I can't keep working for you, Jack."

"Oh, you can and you will. I don't want you raising any suspicion by leaving suddenly. You're to continue working at Grey Enterprises until at least the end of your internship contract. And, as a matter of fact, I so enjoyed our time together last night, I'd like to arrange to do that with you again."

Ana's eyes widened as she shook her head. "No. Please…"

"I'm due to contract a new sub, but your insolence adds a unique element to the usual experience. Keeping in mind our arrangement, I'd like to see you again for another scene."

"You can't keep doing this."

"If you value your friends and family's well being, then yes I can."

Defeated, Ana's face crumpled.

"Now, now. Clean yourself up. My driver will take you home. I'll see you on Monday and we can discuss our next meeting then."

. . .

I dropped my umbrella again. One final thing to show him, so that he got the full picture.

"Jesus Christ, how can it possibly get worse for her?"

Ana sat on her bed as Kate leaned against the dresser. Ana chewed her lip furiously. Kate merely stood, looking sad and concerned for her friend.

"So you don't even know his name?"

Ana shrugged. She avoids Kate's gaze.

"Oh, Ana, sweetie." Kate knelt in front of her friend and threw her arms around her as Ana began to cry. "It just doesn't sound like something you'd do."

"A lapse in judgment, I guess."

"So what are you going to do if – "

Ana shook her head. "I don't know."

The timer on Kate's watch beeped. Kate looked at Ana who closed her eyes and drew a shaky breath. She rose and went to the bathroom, returning with a white plastic stick. Her pale face crumpled and she began to cry.

"Fuck."

Kate rushed to her friend and held her as she sobbed.

I lowered my umbrella and turned to Christian.

"Pregnant?" Christian whispered. It was reminiscent of how Christian's evening started.

I nodded.

"That fucker got away with raping her and getting her pregnant?"

I nodded again. "She's humiliated and broken, and now her life has changed completely because of him."

Christian's eyes brimmed with tears thinking of the state he last left Ana.

It pained me to have to show him all that transpired with Jack and Ana, but he had to know. He needed to.

Again, I gave my umbrella one final spin.

. . .

"Now you know, Christian. You've seen what life has been like to this point without you. Now it's time to see life now." I lift the umbrella and we find ourselves, again, on the bridge where we began this journey. "Go on. Your wish has been granted. You were never born. Christian Grey doesn't exist." I step back, and Christian is no longer sheltered by my umbrella. He looked around, confused.

"Hey!" He yelled at the spot where I was last visible. "Hey!"

He spun around, but saw no trace of me. Cautiously, he surveyed his surroundings.

"What the fuck is going on?"

Rubbing his eyes, he became keenly aware of how drained and weary he felt.

_Was that all some fucked up, booze-fuelled dream? Jesus. I need to get home. I need to see Ana. _

He patted his pockets for his phone but found nothing. No wallet either.

_Well that's just fucking perfect. _

Seeing no one, he headed back to Escala. With no keys in his pockets either, he flagged down the doorman.

"Johnson! I seem to have lost my keys. Could you let me in?"

The doorman gave him a stony look, "I'm sorry, sir, you are?"

"The guy that hired you?"

Again, nothing.

"Johnson, it's me, Grey. Christian Grey. Quit fucking around. Let me into my fucking apartment."

"Sorry sir, I don't know who you are, and I cannot let you in."

"I'm Christian fucking Grey! I've lived in the penthouse for years and see you every time I fucking go out for a run. Now let me in."

"You must be mistaken. The current residents have lived in the penthouse for the past 3 years. I've never seen you before in my life."

Christian's mind reeled.

_Shit._


	8. Chapter 8 - The Fallout

A/N - Fun fact: There is an inside-joke reference to my husband in this chapter.

You'll see a number of "It's a Wonderful Life" references in this chapter. Please remember, I own nothing.

**Chapter 8 – The Fallout**

The doorman eyed Christian warily. "Can I call a taxi for you? It appears you may have the wrong building," he offered diplomatically. Christian suspected, given his current state, that Johnson was likely considering calling the police as a more appropriate action.

Christian shook his head. "No. I'm going. Thanks."

Christian stumbled away, disoriented.

_This is impossible. I'm dreaming. I must be dreaming._

The cold rain and the biting wind felt all too real, however.

Christian pondered all he had seen, stupefied. Was it true? Had his existence been erased? Impossible! _And yet..._bile rose in his throat as he looked down at himself. Cautiously opening the top two buttons of his shirt, he examined his chest. Save for the sparse patch of chest hair, there wasn't a mark.

"Holy shit." He breathed. At first he marvelled at the missing reminders of his tragic past, but that soon gave way to dread,andthe meaning of their absence washed over him.

_I need to see someone. I need to talk to someone. This is all some sort of... nightmare? Hallucination?_

He wasn't sure what was going on, but immediately thought of someone he could find. Cold, exhausted, Christian broke into a run.

Upon arrival at the hospital, Christian flagged the attention of a clerk in admitting.

"Please. I need to speak with Dr. Grace Trevelyan-Grey. Is she working today?"

The woman's brow furrowed. "I haven't heard of a doctor by that name, but it's a big hospital. I could check around."

"Please, it's important. She works in pediatrics!" he called after her as she entered a few keystrokes on her computer.

"I'm sorry, sir, there is no doctor here by that name."

Christian growled in frustration, trying to keep calm, though his panicked temper threatened to spin out of control .

"Are you sure? Could you check again? Her name is Grace Trevelyan-Grey. She's worked at this hospital for years!"

A woman next to him placed a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help but overhear. Did you say you were looking for Grace Trevelyan?"

"Yes!" Christian grasped her hand. "Do you know her?"

She nodded. "She's not a doctor, but she's a volunteer on the pediatric ward. I was just up there, and as it turns out, she's working there today."

Christian turned to the admissions clerk. "Is there any way you could page her?"

"Let me check. If she's there, you could just head on up." A few moments later after she hung up the phone, she gave him a thumbs-up. "Third floor."

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" He beamed at the woman who gave him the information and the admissions clerk, and headed for the elevator.

_Mom will be able to clear this up._

Upon arrival at the third floor, he spotted her. Grace leaned against the counter chatting amiably with the nurses. As he approached the desk, she turned to him. When she spotted Christian, her face registered no emotion; not even a flicker of recognition. She looked so sad, and tired, and so much older than her years. Christian swallowed, his stomach giving another sickening lurch.

"Mom?" Christian whispered.

Confusion clouded over her face.

"I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Crushed, the tears sprang to Christian's eyes. _She doesn't know me. She doesn't know me. She doesn't know me. Fuck! _"Mom, I –" He stopped himself. "Sorry, you just remind me of -" He shook his head. "Sorry, Dr. Grey."

Confusion again, but she gave him a weary smile. "I haven't been called that in many years. Well, since I stopped practising. It's just Grace Trevelyan now. Were you a patient of mine?"

Christian shook his head. "Wait. Trevelyan?"

"I returned to using my maiden name after thedivorce." She said simply.

"What?"

Grace appeared guarded. "Sorry, how did you say we knew each other?"

"Um, Elliot..." He didn't know how to finish.

"Oh, you knew him?"

Drawing a shaky breath to steady himself, he replied "Yes, but it's been, um, some time since I last saw or spoke with him. I was a few years behind Elliot in school." _Not entirely untrue._ Grace seemed satisfied with the answer. "I... I was hoping to see him, and remembered you worked here. I figured you might know where I could find him."

Grace sighed. "Elliot... well, I'm not sure how much you know of his current situation. He's still in Snohomish County. Not up for parole for a few years yet."

Christian's mouth dropped open.

"Oh, did you not know he's been incarcerated again?"

Christian shook his head. _Again?_

Grace nodded sadly.

"He seemed... troubled when I last saw him." Christian ventured, recalling what he had seen with the angel.

"After that big blow-up at school with his brother in Junior year that got him expelled, he's been in and out of prison and rehab. Oh, I guess you would know my other son too."

"Jack." Christian shuddered to think of anyone but himself as her other son.

"Yes."

"I didn't know him as well as Elliot." _Also true. "_He's... doing well I understand?"

"Yes, he's been quite successful with his business, but we don't see him often."

"And Mia?"

Grace's face fell. "Oh, did you know Mia too?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry, no one has seen or heard from Mia. She ran away about seven years ago."

Christian's heart pounded. "Why?"

"No one knows why. She just left one day."

_I know why._

"I'm so sorry. I couldn't imagine." Recalling the horror of discovering what Jack had done to her sent a shiver up his spine. _Poor Mia._He hung his head, unable to fathom the difference in their lives now. A life where Elliot was a convict, in and out of trouble with the law; where Mia chose to run away from her family to avoid abuse and molestation by her own brother; where _Jack_ was the successful son… and then, Grace and Carrick – who were divorced? How? When? Why? And Ana, his sweet love, tortured and raped, made pregnant by that monster. He shook his head, unable to fathom it all.

"Sorry, I didn't catch your name."

"Christian."

Grace thought for a moment. "It's not ringing any bells, I'm really sorry I don't remember you."

Christian hung his head. The sadness overwhelmed him suddenly. He remembered a time when she would gaze upon him fondly, even when he wouldn't talk, when he acted out, when he messed up. To have this woman; his mother, his first saviour - not even recognize him... Tears sprung to his eyes.

Grace looked impatiently at her watch. "Look, I have to get back to my work. Are you okay?"

"Honestly?" Christian shook his head. "No."

Grace shifted uncomfortably.

"Sorry, I'll let you get back. Thank you for your time."

Christian took one last look at Grace before heading back to the elevators. The only person he wanted to see right then was Ana.

"Wait," he spun and Grace looked up from the desk. "I wouldn't mind seeing Jack again. I don't know where his office is though."

"He's usually quite busy. I'm not sure he'd be able to see you if you dropped in now. Do you know where his office is?"

_Two birds with one stone. Why not?_

"I've got a rough idea, but if you could provide me with the address, I'd be grateful."

"Okay. Here's the address. Sorry I couldn't have been more help."

"It's fine. Thank you again."

. . .

It was fortuitous that Christian got the address from Grace. Jack's office was situated in a completely different building than Christian's. Seattle's business district looked much the same. The differences, though unseen to most, were all the more significant to Christian.

Christian found himself gazing up at the office building. A towering monolith, it not only housed Jack's business operations, it also acted as a status and uber-masculine phallic symbol. Where Christian favoured clean lines and classic, understated elegance in his decorating style, Jack preferred bolder forms, modern furnishings and dark colors. As far as business styles, Christian was proud of the achievements he made in his lifetime. It had started as a bit of a game for him, but looking at his business now that he was no longer in possession of it, made him more proud of his work. Philanthropic investments made sense to him, morally and fiscally. Given the list of investments and companies Ana had listed off in her interview with Jack made him realize that they differed in the way they did business. Jack, it seemed, did not view the value of these types of ventures, preferring instead to pursue businesses that would earn him the most money and status. He wondered if the Greys still hosted a Coping Together gala in this reality. Or if the investments made to assist agriculture and farming in third world countries had been moved forward by someone else in his absence. He was sure that if he hadn't, someone else would have. Yet it was the differences in personal and family impact that he was keenly aware of.

He pressed the button for the top floor. The receptionist greeted him with an efficient smile.

"Can I help you?"

"I'm here to see Jack Grey."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, but I only need to see him for a few minutes."

"I'm sorry, sir, Mister Grey does not see anyone without an appointment. And, as it is, he is not currently in the office at the moment."

_Fucker._

"What is your meeting regarding? Perhaps I could put you in touch with another member of Grey Enterprises personnel?"

"It's a personal matter."

"If you'd like to leave your name and number, I can pass that along to Mister Grey and he can arrange a meeting with you."

Christian ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "No. That won't be necessary. But perhaps you can help me find one more person. She's an intern, but I'm not entirely sure where she's located. Anastasia Steele?"

She looked to her computer once more. "Yes, she's in the publishing department, two floors down."

"Thank you."

It was something. And Ana was the person he most wanted to see, anyway. He stepped back onto the elevator and selected the floor. He hoped she was in, and that he could somehow figure out a reason to meet with her. He didn't know what he would say, but he knew he had to at least lay eyes on her. After that... who knows.

Call it fate, luck, or destiny. As with seeing Grace, some sort of fortune or timing was on his side, for the elevator doors opened upon Ana, herself. Without giving him a second glance, she stepped onto the elevator and pressed the 'lobby' button. Christian could only stare, as he felt the electric ripple she elicited whenever she was near. Ana looked up at him surreptitiously through her lashes and bit her lower lip.

She looked the same, with the exception of the beginnings of a prominent stomach, round with child, protruding from her open cardigan. Still, she was breathtaking. The ubiquitous pregnancy glow blessed her features.

He felt instantly protective over her. Any reservations he'd had over her pregnancy evaporated upon seeing her in this state.

Tentatively, he reached to brush a strand of hair from her forehead. She shrank away from his touch and began to tremble.

"Can I help you?" she squeaked out timidly.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself." _Dammit. _He knew she didn't know who he was. He knew this was probably very frightening, to be accosted by a seeming stranger. But he really couldn't help himself.

"Ana –" he began.

A flash of fear and confusion crossed her face.

He shook his head and took her hand. "I love you, Ana. Don't you know who I am? It's Christian. Please say you remember. Please!"

"Don't touch me!" Her voice escalated as she struggled to wrench her hand from his grasp. "Let me go!"

He drew her close in desperation. "Please don't do this to me, Ana! . Mine. I would give anything for you to know me again. I take it all back. I want nothing more than to be yours again. Please, Ana. Say you know me. Say you remember me. I need you Ana. You and our baby. Please."

Panic marred her features and she began to scream. The elevator reached the lobby at that moment and the doors opened. Once again, the stars were aligned. Returning from wherever he'd been was Jack, accompanied by a beefy member of his security detail.

"What the hell is going on here?"

"You!" Christian turned to Jack. "You sociopathic fuck!" He walked up and without any hesitation, pulled his fist back and cold-clocked him with one solid punch to the face. The security goon rushed at Christian and pinned him in a headlock.

"You sadistic son of a bitch! You fucked them all up! Mom, Dad, Elliot, Mia, Ana. I know what you've done. I hope you burn in hell you sorry sack of shit!" Christian twisted and kicked to wrench free from the body guard's grasp but was overpowered by the man raining punches on the side of his head.

"Bert," croaked Jack nasally from the floor, blood pouring from his face. "Call the police. Kick this guy's ass and then have him arrested."

The grip around Christian's neck suddenly loosened, and he broke free. Looking back, he spotted his angel in the tan overcoat grappling with the guard.

"Run, Christian!"

He scrambled to his feet and ran from the building, leaving behind the confused chaos he'd created. The guard, who had been tussling with the angel, found himself grasping nothing but fistfuls of air as his combatant suddenly disappeared.

The sound of sirens seemed to follow him. He ducked onto side streets and alleyways, winding his way back to the bridge.

Frantically, he threw himself at the railing, calling out desperately over the water, "Hey! Hey! Help me! Please! Get me back! I don't care what happens to me. Get me back to Ana. And my family And my baby. Please. I want to live again! I want to live again. Please, God, let me live again." His cries faded as he turned his back to the railing and sank to the ground, his head in his hands.

"I want to live again."

He became aware of a shadow sheltering him and a presence looming at his side as a soft voice murmured in his ear. _"Each man's life touches so many other lives. When he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he? Always remember, Christian: no man is a failure who has family and friends. You are important. You are loved. You are needed. Your life is worthwhile."_

The shadow lifted, and he felt the rain falling on him yet again. The sirens grew louder and closer, and the red and blue lights of a police car shone through the fingers covering his face.

_Voices._

_A different set of hands on him._

"Sir? Sir! Are you awake?"

Christian felt so tired. The cold and exhaustion overwhelmed him at last.

He grunted in protest as someone pinched and shook his shoulders.

"He's not responsive."

"Hey Ernie, any ID on him?"

_The sensation of tugging and rustling as they searched his pockets._

"Here's his wallet. 'Christian Grey'. Holy shit! Christian Grey the Billionaire?"

"Radio for an ambulance. Here's his phone. I'll see if I can call someone."

"This is Officer Ernie Bailey. We have an unconscious male at the south end of the Aurora Bridge. Looks like early stages of hypothermia. He's probably been out in the elements for a while, now. Please send an ambulance ASAP."

Christian heard the crackle of a CB radio, and the first voice giving more info to the person on the other end as the other officer knelt by him.

"Sir? Can you hear me? Mr. Grey? An ambulance is on the way to take you to the hospital. I've managed to reach your wife. You're going to be okay."

The voices and background noise faded to a faint buzzing, and he was engulfed in darkness.

* * *

A/N 2 - Credit where credit is due: Christian's monologue on the bridge is taken from George Bailey's bridge monologue in It's a Wonderful Life. The angel's is paraphrased from Clarence's words in that movie as well.

Mad props to WeareJorus for editing. I owe you much rum, if I'm ever fortunate enough to meet you in person!


	9. Chapter 9 - Back to Fifty

Chapter 9 – Back to Fifty

_Beeping._

_Voices._

_The smell of antiseptic._

_A warm hand covering his._

"He'll wake up soon, I'm sure."

"He must have been out in the freezing rain for hours!"

"What was he doing out at that time of night?"

"We had a fight."

_Crying._

"Shhh. It will be okay. It will all be okay."

Christian's eyes cracked open. The light was painful. He squinted, surveying his surroundings.

_A hospital room._

_Fluorescent lighting._

_Standing on his right: Grace._

_Seated on his left at his bedside, hands wrapped around his: Ana._

"Hey." He croaked, tentatively.

"Christian!"

_She knows me! Oh thank fuck, she knows me!_

Ana rose and moved in closer. "You're awake!"

"I'm so sorry baby."

Ana shook her head as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"We were so worried. I didn't know where you went –"

"Shh..." Christian soothed, and Ana moved to his embrace, laying her head on his chest.

"Oh Ana, I love you so much. I'm so sorry."

Grace leaned over the side of the bed.

"Mom!"

"Christian Trevelyan Grey, I thought I told you after the whole helicopter fiasco not to disappear and make us worried sick like that again!"

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry mom. For everything."

Grace looked relieved as she stroked his hair. "Oh my sweet boy. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Elliot? Mia? Dad? Are they okay?"

Puzzled, Grace smiled. "Yes, of course they are. Why wouldn't they be?"

Christian shook his head. "I just wanted to make sure."

Grace kissed his forehead. "I'll leave you and Ana for a little while. I'm going to check with the nurses on when we might get you discharged."

"Thanks mom." Christian called out after her as she left the room.

"Where were you?" Ana asked quietly. "Where did you go?"

"I just walked. And ...walked some more. I... Ana, I'm sorry I reacted the way I did. I panicked. When you told me you're pregnant, I instantly thought it would be the end of my world, and that I would doom the child to a fucked up existence being its father. The thought of a child in our lives, right now, terrifiesme. I tried to go see Flynn, to talk this through with him, but he wasn't at his office. I just kept walking and – " Christian hesitated. _I have to tell her. She needs to know. _"Somehow I found myself in front of Elena's salon."

Ana stiffened and began to pull her hand away from Christian's.

"No, baby, please hear me out. For years, she was my only confidante. It was habit, I guess. We went for a drink and I let her know I was nervous about starting a family."

"You _told_ her?" Ana hissed, looking wounded.

"No! I was speaking more generally. We talked about my past. She tried to convince me the BDSM was what I needed in my life again, but the more she talked about it, the more I realized that it's you I wanted. That I didn't need any of that anymore." Christian rubbed her knuckles with his thumb, willing her to look at him; to forgive him. "The final straw was when she came onto me." He added quietly.

"She _what_?"Ana fumed. Christian gripped her hand harder.

"She tried, but the thought disgusted me. I shut her down immediately. I hadn't noticed until today, just how desperate she was. I told her in no uncertain terms that I love you, and that I didn't want to see her again." Christian looked pleadingly at her. "I cut her out for good. When I get back in to the office, I'm selling off my shares in her business. I don't want anything to do with her any longer."

Ana gritted her teeth, avoiding his gaze as she digested his words.

"What changed, Christian?"

"I had the chance to think while I was out. To be honest, I was in a very dark place and considering some pretty awful things. I felt like I wasn't worthy of you. Of any of this."

Ana looked up, searching his eyes for a sign of veracity. Christian held her gaze, earnestly. "Something made me realize, though, the value of all that I have. I don't mean my money or property, but my family. How much you and mom, dad, Elliot, Mia – how much you all mean to me as you are."

"What does that mean?" Ana asked cautiously.

"It means," Christian said as he brought her hand to his lips. "I have never loved you or my family more. It means I need you. I need all of you. And as much as I refused to ever believe it before now, I'm finally realizing that I'm worthy of being loved."

"I'm still terrified." He reached out and placed his hand on Ana's stomach. "But if you'll forgive me, I'm now ready to face this together."

"I'm sorry, Christian." Ana whispered and placed her hand on his. "You know I didn't plan on this. I made a mistake and missed my shot. _I'm_ terrified. I didn't want to have a baby this young. I didn't mean to mess things up with us."

"I know that now, Ana. I know. And this won't break us. I'm sorry I flew off the handle, but I love you, and we'll work through this."

Christian cupped her face and pulled her in for a kiss. "I love you so much." He breathed. Tentatively, he brushed her lips with his.

Ana let out a breath and responded, pressing her mouth to his, pouring every ounce of love into her kiss. Christian wove his fingers into the hair at the nape of her neck and returned the kiss with as much passion and reverence as he could muster. Their kiss deepened, an unspoken symbol of their forgiveness to one another.

"That must have been some walk." Ana murmured as their lips parted and she rested her forehead against his. "So we're okay?"Christian nodded."We're okay. I love you, Ana. So much."

"I love you, Christian. Please don't leave me."

"Never."

"Christian! Are you looking for attention or something? You've been making us worry about you way too much lately."

Christian turned to see his brother striding into the room.

"Elliot! I never thought I'd say this, but you're a sight for sore eyes."

He cocked his head, puzzled. "Dude, you're looking at me like a goat eyeing a pile of garbage."

Christian shook his head in response.

"A gay goat. It's giving me the 'no' feeling."

"I'm just glad to see you."

Elliot looked at Ana. "Did he have a head injury?"

Ana just shrugged. "He's been like this since he woke up. I don't really understand it either, but I'm not complaining." She stroked his cheek affectionately.

From down the hall he could hear a frenetic, high pitched stream of chatter, gradually getting louder as the voice neared his door.

"Mia's here." Elliot chuckled as their whirling dervish of a sister bound in ahead of an exasperated Carrick.

"What the hell is going on? Dad called and said you were in the hospital and I was so worried, especially after that craziness with the helicopter. We rushed right over and I missed my Pilates class. But I did find these awesome low carb energy bars at the Whole Foods while I was waiting for him to pick me up, so I was like, 'Score!' because that other kind I tried was super gross. My god, do you remember those? I could totally make better ones than those, they were just so, 'blechh!', but now I don't have to since I found these –"

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Christ, Mia! Take a breath!"

Her exuberance, which Christian ordinarily found irritating, was a welcome familiarity and it made him smile. "It's good to see you too, Mia."

"Son, I'm glad you're okay. What happened?" Carrick asked as Grace entered the room again and slid an arm around his waist.

Christian was pleased to see his parents happy and affectionate with one another. "I was out walking, trying to clear my head, and –"He looked at Ana. "Well, long story short, I ended up staying out way too long and was exposed to the elements after far too much to drink. I'm so sorry to have worried you all."

Grace nodded. "Your chart says you suffered from moderate hypothermia, exacerbated by an elevated alcohol level. You could have been in more serious trouble if you were out there any longer. You must have had an angel looking out for you!"

"I suppose I did." Christian mused.

"The ward nurse said a doctor should be able to clear you for discharge within the next hour."

"Thanks for checking, Mom. And thank you, everyone, for coming to make sure I'm okay. I love you all. I know I don't say it often, but I do." He lowered his gaze, embarrassed.

"Oh, Christian!" Mia launched herself at her brother, throwing her arms around his neck to squeeze him in a hug. His irritation levels with her had begun to return to their normal state. "Okay, Mia, take it down a notch."

Ana gathered his things in preparation for discharge."I didn't think you took an umbrella with you?" She said, puzzling at the folded black umbrella that was sitting atop his pile of clothing.

Christian eyed it with a subtle smile on his lips. "Ah. That's not mine."

Ana shrugged and continued to arrange his things as the rest of his family exchanged friendly banter around him.

It was, indeed, a wonderful life, and he intended to live it in full appreciation of it from that day forward.

* * *

A/N - Shout out to the FSOG Fanfic Facebook gals. Thanks for the laughs.


	10. Epilogue - Every Time a Bell Rings

Epilogue - Every Time a Bell Rings

Seated at his desk, Christian fought valiantly to keep from nodding off as he sorted through paperwork. In the background, he heard a soft chime.

_Bells?_

A soft rustling and a hushed cough alerted him to the fact that he was no longer alone. He looked up.

"You!"

I nodded politely. "Hello Christian."

"I didn't think I'd ever see you again!"

"I thought I'd stop by to say hello."

Christian stood and looked at me with an eager smile. "Well?"

I looked at him questioningly.

"Did you get them or not?"

"Ah!" I smiled, and then shed my overcoat. My new wings unfurled behind me, gracefully.

"Impressive!"

"Thank you." I said as I donned the coat once more. "They were well earned, so says the big guy himself."

"Thank _you_." Christian said.

I shrugged. "You're worth the effort."

He shook his head. "I don't even know your name."

I smiled. "Theodore."

Christian returned the smile. "Theodore. That's a nice name. My grandfather is named Theodore, too. Thank you. Again. I don't think I could thank you enough."

I shrugged. "Just take care of yourself, Christian. And your family. Your little one needs you."

"I will."

I placed my hand on his shoulder and gave a reassuring squeeze, and Christian sat behind his desk.

"Oh, hey! I have your -" Christian looked up. "Umbrella." But he found himself alone once again.

He looked about for a sign of whether my presence was real or imaginary, but was interrupted by a soft knock at the door.

"Come in!"

Ana poked her head in. "I'm back."

"How did it go, baby?"

Without another word, she held up a print of an ultrasound.

"It's a boy, daddy."

Christian's face flushed with pride as he clasped Ana to him in a joyful embrace. He plucked the ultrasound from Ana's fingers and looked upon it reverentially. "A boy."

"Our boy."

He smiled. "How about 'Theodore'?"

"Theodore?"

Christian nodded.

"After your grandfather?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment. "Sure."

Ana pondered it, then nodded as a slow smile crept over her face.

"I like it."

He kissed her temple. "Theodore Raymond Grey?"

"Perfect."

At peace, he held her, marvelling at his wonderful life.

THE END


End file.
